I’ve dated. A lot. Hot guys, average guys, tall and short guys, smart and nerdy guys, quiet and shy guys. I’ve dated American guys, Canadian guys, British guys and Swedish guys. Okay, only one Swedish guy, but still.

I’ve dated lawyers, engineers, a Secret Service agent, a construction worker, a fireman (he was sweet), rich guys and poor guys. I even dated a body builder, who not surprisingly was dirt poor. We all label people, but the body builder was actually one of the most sensitive guys I’ve ever dated. We were together for almost 4 years. You don’t spend years with someone simply because their body is perfect, because I could have cared less. I stayed with him because he was respectful and sweet.

I’m a sucker for sensitive, funny and sweet. Throw in cute and it’s so over.

I’ve been quite fortunate to have traveled quite a bit during my life and I’ve met many men.  But you don’t have to travel far to find the guy who thinks he is super hot. You know: the one who also comes with a super sized ego. They’re the ones who get the most attention – good and bad – and more often than not, the equally superficial girls.

Personally, I think it’s the average, guy-next-door types who are the real hotties. Because understated is sexy and an overblown ego is not.

The Average Joe. What makes him so special?

How many times have you seen a drop-dead gorgeous girl with an average looking guy? It happens all the time.

Why? Because he’s really not that much different than someone like Steve Carell.

I recently told a guy he reminded me of Steve Carell and his response was “Fuck you.”

But not an angry Fuck you. More of a Haha, that’s funny fuck you.

Either way, why would any guy be offended by that? I’m betting that 90% of women reading this would love to date Steve Carell.

Am I right, ladies?

Steve Carrell is funny and smart and so fucking cute. But he’s not so disastrously good looking that it has totally gone to his head.

He’s also a family man (which is a rare find these days), a doting husband, successful, and all around great guy. All of which makes him the poster boy for the Average Guy.

But most importantly, Steve Carrell is respectful and humble. And those two qualities are ultimately what separates the jerks from the nice guys.

It’s not how a man looks. It’s how he behaves.

Gorgeous or not, women don’t want any guy who is full of himself. Women want a gentleman. They want a man with manners. They want someone who can make them laugh. And someone who can laugh at himself. Women want a man who is real.

Let’s face it, some guys simply try way too hard. I once dated a guy who wore more self-tanner than I do, bragged about his pricey custom made clothing and had an apartment that resembled a hotel room suite. Zero clutter. And zero personality.

We met on a dating site (and I admit, I winked at him first, because hot) and before we ever went out, he sent me an email saying he would never date a woman who had children because he was admittedly “too selfish.”  So I left it at that and moved on to the next profile.

Two weeks later, he emailed me again saying he would make an exception to his “never date single moms” rule and asked to meet for a drink. And although I should have seen the red flags waving, I’m the kind of girl who says “Fuck it”, so I decided to give it a whirl. On our first date, he spent an hour talking about the beautiful, but very dumb woman, he had dated the year before. He admitted she was completely clueless, yet she was “so beautiful.” His “Russian Princess.”
Apparently Russian Princesses are unable to operate an “oven” and don’t know how to “mail a package” (his words, not mine).

It amazed me that a man as educated and intellectual as he was, had wasted 2 years of his life with someone so incompatible. But at least she was hot.

I couldn’t get past the fact that looks were more important to him than a woman’s intelligence and personality.

We dated briefly, and although he wasn’t a bad person, he also had a huge ego. He genuinely thought he was hot shit in his $500 shirts.

PS: The GAP has those exact same shirts for like $30 on sale.

Confidence is sexy, but cockiness is so very not. Next, please.

It’s not difficult to find a hot guy or a pretty girl. Good looks are pretty standard these days. But finding someone who you can actually connect with, someone who makes you laugh, someone down to earth, someone kind, who you can have a stimulating conversation with, someone smart and funny, and someone that accepts you exactly the way you are, is not easy to find.

I once had a guy ask me for full body photos and one additional photo of my ass (yes, a close up of my ass) before he would agree to meet me. He justified himself by telling me he needed to know if he would be “attracted” to me. (I really hope my Mom isn’t reading this. Look away, Mom. LOOK AWAY.)

And I hate to admit this, but I sent him a photo of my ass in sexy underwear. Fuck, I hate myself. (Again with the whole “Fuck it” thing.)

I’m not proud of that – and that is the one and only time I have ever done that – but if I had to do all over again, I would have told him “No thanks” and moved on to the next person. Live and learn.

It sometimes feels like you have to look like a model to get a mans attention. Being smart and funny and interesting simply isn’t good enough anymore.

You have to be all of those and be beautiful, too.

Another guy’s dating profile read: “I don’t want a woman who’s a 10. I want an 11.”  Seriously?

Sadly this is what dating has come to.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Steve Carrell never asked Nancy Walls (his wife of 18 years) for an ass pic before he decided to go out on a date with her. But I could be wrong. Maybe he’s more of a boobs guy.

Guys who put that much importance on how someone looks could care less whether you dropped out of high school or have a Masters in Astronomy.

And they probably don’t care that you spent 2 weeks volunteering in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina or that you spend one weekend a month volunteering at a soup kitchen.

None of that stuff matters.

However, your body better be perfect.

I think most average guys genuinely appreciate a woman. And they’re respectful.

I wonder how Mr. Send Me an Ass Pic would feel if some guy asked his daughter that same question.

Average guys explore a woman’s mind. They ask her questions.

Instead of asking what her ass looks like, they are more likely to ask her what her favorite book is.

They don’t care that you’re not a super model. But they will tell you that you’re imperfections are what make you beautiful.

Because they’re not perfect either.

No matter what someone looks like (hot, average or otherwise), I honestly believe that like attracts like. I think self-centered people attract equally self-absorbed people. Ego attracts ego.

And I think nerdy, sweet girls attract equally nerdy and sweets guys. And so on.

And that’s probably a really good thing.

Because if that’s true, all of the vacuous Barbie dolls will end up with Mr. Look At The $500 Shirt I’m Wearing, leaving all of those cute, sweet, and funny average guys for the rest of us.

Lucky us.

Dear Steve, if you and Nancy ever split up, please call me.

My Perfect Man: The handsome and charming Steve Carell.