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The older we get and the more life we experience, we often become wiser in many ways.

I have found the exact opposite to be true when it comes to love. And maybe that’s because the more I’ve loved, the more I question everything about it. It’s such a huge emotion and unlike any other feeling in the world. All encompassing and rare in it’s truest form. So it makes complete sense that it mystifies even the smartest of people.

There was a time when I believed without any uncertainty that I was in love. And at some point in each long term relationship, I did believe it was love.

Now I find myself questioning my own feelings, even when it feels like it couldn’t be anything but love.

In my younger days, I was completely open- almost to a fault- when I poured my heart out to a man, without fear.

Then, after having my heart broken, I swore I would never be the first to say those words ever again. Hoping that he’d just know by the way I held his hand in the middle of the night when we’re tangled up in bed. Or by the way I look at him after a long, lingering kiss when it feels like nothing else in the world exists.

All it takes is one bad heart break to completely change a person. And so I became completely guarded and protective.

Until I met a man who made me feel like I could open up to someone again. I’m not sure exactly what made me do it, but one night, after too much wine, I said those three little, huge enormously frightening words.

It’s amazing how saying such a small sentence can hold so much meaning. How it can completely change everything.

And sadly, being hurt has made me become the girl who has a tendency to run away. Even when every fiber of my being is saying “You love him. Don’t run away.”

I’m not sure why I push men away. Maybe I’m afraid of getting hurt again. Or maybe I’m afraid of having my heart broken and it’s easier to end things on my own terms versus waiting for the bomb to drop. [OMG, THAT’S IT, ISN’T IT?]

Maybe the reason I push men away and question my own feelings is because they hold back. Men are even more afraid than women are when it comes to opening up. Many men fear commitment. So is it any wonder why women hold back, too? AND WHY IS LOVE SO FUCKING SCARY ANYWAY?

You can hold back as much as you like, but you can’t control your feelings and you can’t stop yourself from falling for someone. It’s like jumping off a cliff and halfway down, suddenly deciding you want to go back up again. There is no point of return when it comes to falling in love. You just have to let yourself fall and hope the other person catches you [or some romantic metaphor like that]. And you can’t control who you fall for or why it happens because love knows no reason or logic.

And you don’t have to understand it and it doesn’t have to make any sense. Because love is missing someone even before they’ve left. Love is listening to her talk – even when the conversation is about nothing at all. Love is wanting to know about his childhood, and how he became the man he is today. Love is lying in bed together and talking for hours, not caring if you get any sleep. Love is driving an hour out of your way to bring him cold medicine and ice cream when he’s sick. Even if it means being late for work. Love is wanting her to meet your mother and your friends because you can’t wait to show her off. Because you know everyone will fall in love with her, too.

Love is having that one person- who’s both your best friend and lover- that you can share everything with, knowing they won’t judge you. Because no matter what you say, you know they’ll love you anyway.

Love is scary and heart wrenching and hopeless and passionate and amazing and elusive and life altering and inexplicable in so many ways. And those who don’t understand that have never experienced that kind of love.

And just writing about love makes me crave all those wonderful feelings.  The electricity between two people who have that mental and physical connection that transforms sex into something deeper and more erotic and explosive. And at other times, the slow deliciousness of making love that only two people who are  genuinely connected can experience.  The way two lives become entwined by time and shared experiences and unspoken words.

Because that’s what love is: an intangible, inexplicable connection that ties two hearts and two lives together in such a way, it’s virtually impossible to break them apart. Even if it’s only for a short time. And isn’t that what everyone wants? Because love truly is the most amazing feeling in the world.

So maybe taking a chance and opening up to someone- no matter how scary it may be- and risking having your heart broken really is worth it– when you think of everything you can gain.

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Love (Sex)

 My own random thoughts, silly and serious,

on two of my favorite subjects:

love and sex.

She’s only beautiful
if you’re wildly in love with her.
Otherwise, she’s just another girl.

Sex so good, your penis gets up an hour before you do and makes us both breakfast.


Maybe she writes about love so much because that’s the only thing that really matters.


The more you care about someone, the further you should push them away.

I just pushed this guy off a cliff.

I bet I really liked him a lot.


Spend the entire night with me, talking and kissing and snuggling in bed,

without trying to have sex with me, so I know it’s really real.


Earth Day Tip:

Show her you love her and the Earth by giving her a handwritten love letter on a recycled paper towel,

then use it to clean up the mess after sex. Xx


You can’t fit a million memories into one goodbye.

And it’s equally impossible to imagine a million surprises

hidden behind one new hello.


You’ll fall for her and she’ll completely fall for you.

You’ll break her heart and she’ll completely break yours, too. That’s just how love is.


I can ignore you so hard, you’ll think we actually had sex.


When we meet that one person

who has the ability to make us shine,

we become extraordinary together.


Mentioning sex in a conversation with a guy is like talking to your dog while holding a bone in your hand.

Both of them ONLY HEAR BONE.


It might be love when he tells you about all of the places he wants to take you

and all of the things he wants to show you.


The Bachelorette is so realistic.

I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve dated who’ve told me they were in love with BEFORE we had sex.



Ask any guy and most will have a story of how he was in love with an amazing girl —

And ultimately how he lost her.


Before falling in love, people should be forced to sky dive out of an airplane.

But only 23% of the parachutes actually work.


I used to think I wanted to be in a relationship.

Now my only goal is making sure I don’t text the other person more than he texts me.


I just told this guy he was too young for me to date.

He laughed and then I laughed and then we started making out on his Batman bed sheets.


In the story of us, we love.
We fall apart. We walk away.
Days, weeks and months pass until finally we discover
We could not live without each other.


It’s not really love unless he invites your dog to stay over, too.


Men are hard-wired to rush through sex.

But it’s so much hotter and sexier if you can make the girl so crazy that she initiates everything.


If you don’t think about her enough to want to

text her and talk to her at least once, every single day,

then don’t even fucking bother.


If you really want her badly enough,

you’ll find a way to have her.


If I ever say I love you while we’re fucking,

it’s only because I love you while we’re fucking.


I tell young guys I can’t date them because of their age.

They laugh and I laugh and 2 weeks later I’m buying a dress for the homecoming dance.


It doesn’t really matter if it’s your first time

or the last one you’ll ever have.

Nothing will ever fuck with your head more than love.


Relationship advice:

Don’t ever chase a man.
The one who knows your worth will never let you go.


All women really want is to be treated like your wallet or cell phone:
For you to freak the fuck out if you ever think you lost us.


Dating Tip: When a guy sends you a confusing text, ask 3-5 strangers
in the nearest bar/restaurant/coffee shop to help you interpret it.
A person who doesn’t believe that a man can be beautiful,
has never been wildly in love before.


A guy told me I can borrow his juicer.
He said it’s great for veggies and even better with fruits like pineapple.
There’s really only one quality a guy needs to have
that can almost guarantee a girl will fall for him:
He only wants her.
Prison Sex and the City
The first thing I ever said to him was I love you.
Because sometimes your heart knows before you do.
My go to move is not texting you back because I read guys love the chase but also
because I may have deleted your number. OMG PLEASE TEXT ME AGAIN.
I will open my heart to you.
I will hand you the moon, the stars and the sun.
And just as quickly and without notice, I will take them all away.
He fell in love with everything that you could never be.
In a world full of ordinary,
he fell in love with me.
The 1st month of a relationship is the best.
Everything after that is like knowing an asteroid is going to hit but not knowing exactly when.
The right guy will appreciate that there are times when I have to be alone,
just as much as the times when I desperately need to be with him.
Dating Tip: Invite a guy you just met to a wedding.
During the ceremony, whisper “I do too.”
Also, don’t wear any underwear. GUYS LOVE THAT.
We’re so afraid of doing things that make us feel good.
Eat cake.
Drink wine.
Have sex with a beautiful stranger.
We only get one life. Live it.
PS: I have never had sex with a beautiful stranger because
The only drawback to having sex on a regular basis is daydreaming about sex all day
because you’re having sex on a regular basis.
Every once in a very rare while, two hearts become so entangled
it becomes completely impossible to separate them.
True or False: If he had sex with you, it means he cares.
True. He cares about whether or not you’ll have sex with him again.
She climbs into bed, wrapping herself around him
Her head on his chest
So she can hear his heart beating
As the rest of the world fades away.
Speed dating: Because I only need 7 minutes to figure out I don’t like you
but I get to show off my pretty new dress to 47 people all at once.
Maybe we weren’t soul mates
But we fell in love anyway
Drawn together like the moon pulls the tides
And every moment after that was special.
Relationship goal: To never fall asleep during sex.
Make me fall in love with you, every time we are together.
And if you can do that, the rest will all fall into place.
Sometimes I get worried & ask the guy I’m dating
if I’m too dirty for him.
He laughs and I laugh and then we finish having sex in the barn.
I suspect that people who genuinely and passionately love each other,
probably hurt each other the most deeply.
Relationship goal: Become the guy.
*Do nothing, make zero effort and still get sex.
A fun thing to do when you’re dating someone new
is to take a weekend trip together,
get into a drunken argument, then cry all the way home.
It’s a beautiful notion to think you can be friends with an ex-love.
But if they were meant to be just a friend,
you would have never fallen in love with them.
The Top 4 Diets:
– The South Beach
– The I Can’t Afford Food Diet
– The Heartbreak Diet
– The I Met a New Guy & We’re Having Tons of Sex Diet
It’s very easy to say I love you when you don’t really mean it.
And almost impossible to say when you actually do.
I already know you’re going to break my heart.
And even that’s not enough to stop me.
– Girls, 5 minutes after they’ve broken up with you 17 times.
Say ‘I love you’ as many times as you want
but until you give me a hoodie
and leave your toothbrush at my house, YOUR WORDS MEAN NOTHING.
Sure, we could end this now
but then we’d miss out on all the fun parts like the crying,
the make up sex and traumatizing each other for life.
I don’t believe that you truly love someone
until you’ve laughed together, experienced pain together
and shared a part of your lives with each other.
Do yourself a favor.
Delete his phone number, put on something pretty and finally say yes to the guy
who’s actually wanted you all along. 
When your heart is completely focused on something,
everything else in your life becomes invisible.
Love her anyway.
We fell in love for all the wrong reasons
In the most beautiful, tragic, extraordinary way.
Anything else would have been an impossibility.
You could see 50 Shades of Grey
and watch others have fake movie sex.
Or you could go out, drink wine and
Falling in love is the best way to end up
hating each other for the rest of your lives.
– Inspirational
One of the biggest flaws of the mind is
believing you’ll never get over someone.
The biggest flaw of the heart is not allowing yourself to.
At some point my life turned into eat, pray, love.
But more like drink, fuck, love.
Or fuck you, I loved you and now I hate you.
One of those.
Fall in love with someone emotionally unavailable at least once in your life
so you get the full experience of
what true heartbreak is like.
Maybe the true definition of love is they can still see all of the good in you,
even after you’ve screwed up
and they still love you anyway.
Sometimes it feels like the universe is trying to keep us apart.
But some stars were destined to collide.
No matter what.
Falling in – and out – of love is completely uncontrollable.
That’s the tragic beauty of love.
I think we are taught to love a certain way
But the best kind of love is one that makes you see,
feel and think about the world differently.
If you think saying I love you is difficult,
just wait until the day you have to tell that same person
that you stopped.
I had a sex dream about you last night.
And now I really want a hoodie.
 If you love someone, set them free.
Then keep sending ‘love you’ texts to remind them because
maybe they have amnesia and forgot to come back.
The best way to get over someone is to drink until you can’t walk
then throw yourself off a cliff.
I haven’t worked out all the details yet.
Many things will change your life.
But nothing changes you more beautifully than finding love.
 I hit a patch of ice and almost crashed my car
And my entire life flashed before my eyes.
Every person deserves that one intensely passionate love affair,
that no matter how long it lasts,
remains forever imprinted in their heart.
Love is finding that one person
who you connect with
Who inspires you to become a better version of yourself.
If you get drunk and start crying over how your cat died
you can usually get out of the whole
“He bought me dinner and now I owe him sex” thing.
There’s a reason you let each other go.
Embrace it, move on knowing the person you were
truly meant to be with is out there waiting for you.
If you don’t follow up your “Good morning beautiful” with
a “Goodnight beautiful” text,
When you love someone completely, the entire world resides within their heart.
It’s not something you can explain. It’s something you feel.
Love is amazing. It can change your life 100%
And those who don’t understand that are the ones who’ve
never experienced that kind of love.
I’ve learned true love is seeing a broken person clearly,
knowing every ugly thing about them,
But still loving them beyond comprehension.
True love is when you accidentally break my heart.
But always finding a way to fix it over and over again.
Sext: I think I’m finally done crying.
I will always be that foolish girl
Who still believes in love.
It’s not really love unless you’re scarred for life.
And if you’re both scarred for life, then you’re probably soul mates.
I only tried ruining your life because
The less you know about someone, the easier it is to love them.
I will love you to the moon and back,
but mostly to my bed, then in the shower
then maybe the floor then back to the bed then…
Sexting is hard.


In a world where horrible things happens every day,

I want to believe in happy endings

and I need to believe in love.

So I guess I just will.

The Kiss - Gustav Klimt

The Kiss – Gustav Klimt

The Letter

The forecast was calling for hurricane like winds. It was Friday afternoon.

We had plans to stay in a beautiful, romantic hotel in Arlington all weekend. It was part of my birthday gift to him. But 2 weeks before, we broke up. It was too late to get a refund so I decided to go anyway. Without him. I asked my girls “Who wants to stay in a 5 star hotel this weekend?”  They were ecstatic.

As we drove to the hotel Friday night, it was pouring rain. Luckily the hotel had indoor parking. I parked, we grabbed our bags and went to check in. The lobby was beautiful but all I wanted to do was get into our room and fall onto the bed. It had been an emotionally exhausting few weeks.

As we checked in, the manager overheard us and asked me my name. “Are you Nicole? Someone left a package here for you.”

At first I thought he was mistaken. No one knew we were staying there. Except for one other person.

I walked over to him and he handed me a large manila envelope. I couldn’t imagine what was inside. I’m the girl who can’t wait until Christmas to open a present. So I opened it in front of him as I stood in the lobby.

Inside was a ring box and this letter:

My sweet Nicole,

I love you so much. The thought of losing you causes me great pain. You will always be the only girl for me. I know how to make this work and I want to be with you and the girls. Please accept this ring as a token of my commitment to you. We can get a nicer one later. I want to be with you forever. I’m asking you to marry me. Please say yes.


It was from him.

The rest of this story doesn’t matter. What does matter is this:

Most men are too afraid to open up and say how they truly feel. They think it’s cool to keep a girl guessing and to never show their emotions. Usually until it’s too late.

It’s okay to tell a girl “I like you” or “I love you” or even “I don’t know where this relationship is heading but I want you to know I care.”

Or even “I’m sorry. I messed up.” Anything is almost always better than nothing.

The important thing is to be honest and say something.

Ask any guy and most will have a story of how he was dating this amazing girl at one time — and ultimately how he lost her. Because he was too afraid of opening up. Or how he went out and got drunk with his friends (again) instead of returning her call. Or because he let his friends’ opinions dictate what he should do, instead of deciding for himself. Because guys like that are too cool to ever let a girl know they actually might care.

And it doesn’t have to be as dramatic as leaving a beautifully romantic letter (and a ring) in a hotel. It could be as simple as a text that says “I’m sorry. I messed up. I miss you.”

If she still has any feelings left for you, she will probably respond to pretty much anything you say, as long as you are honest and sincere.

The guys who wait too long to tell a girl how they feel, usually lose the girl. Because great girls don’t sit around and wait for a guy to come to his senses.

Great girls bounce back and move forward and go on living their interesting, busy lives. And it’s usually not long before someone else takes notice and sweeps them off their feet.



The first time I ever saw Kate, I did a double take. She was the kind of beautiful that made every person stop and stare. She had shoulder length black hair that fell in soft waves over the tops of her shoulders and a flawless complexion. She was tall and thin and had the body of a runway model. I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. I envied her youthfulness. Even in my mid-20’s, I never looked like that. She had the kind of beauty you only see in photo-shopped photographs in a fashion magazine.

I imagined that she had her own apartment and was going to school part time. That she had fabulous friends and an equally fabulous boyfriend. I imagined her life as fun and carefree, without a care in the world.

So Kate. Not her real name of course, but the stunningly beautiful part is all true. Each time I would see her, which was always in passing, I caught her staring at me. I would always smile and say hello and she would politely smile back. The staring part seemed a bit odd to me, but I didn’t think much of it. A few months passed. She always looked beautiful but distant. The staring and quiet smiling continued.

A few weeks later, we bumped into each other again at work. I made small talk but she seemed to struggle even with that. Finally it was time to go home. As we were getting ready to leave, I turned around and there she was standing a few feet away, staring at me. I found it odd but she seemed sweet so again, I tried to make small talk. She asked about my girls and seemed genuinely interested in my life. She seemed touched that I was a single mom, struggling to juggle work and career and kids and a social life. After all those months, it was the first time we had ever had a real conversation.

Then out of the blue she said “You are so beautiful. I mean that. You really are so beautiful, inside and out.”

I was completely taken aback.

Here was this young, gorgeous model-esque girl telling me that I was beautiful. I really didn’t know what to say. I replied back “No, Kate, you are beautiful. But thank you so much.”

She didn’t dismiss me as old or faceless, as young people sometimes do. She admired me and looked up to me. I was completely touched.

She looked like she might cry. My natural instinct was to hug her and normally I would have. But we really didn’t know each other very well so I held back. She seemed so lost and sad.  She smiled at me and then, without a word, she turned and left.

One evening, when I was out with a group of mutual friends, I hesitantly asked “What’s the deal with Kate?” I wasn’t trying to pry, but something just seemed off about her.

That was when I found out that Kate was an alcoholic. She was living with her boyfriend who had been in and out of jail for heroin possession.  Some days she wouldn’t even show up for work. And when she did, she would often arrive looking like she hadn’t showered for days. Her boss tried countless times to help her. Instead of letting her go, she kept her on part-time. Kate would lie to people and say she had graduated from college, when the truth was she dropped out after only a few weeks.

Friends, family and co-workers all tried to help her. But yet she remained with the heroin addict and was struggling with alcohol.

My heart completely broke.  Here was this beautiful young girl, throwing away what should have been some of the best years of her life.


I’ve never struggled with an addiction, unless you count the high you get when you *think* you are in love with someone (note that *thinking* something does not always make it real), but I imagine it is one of the most difficult things to overcome.

Too often, we see someone whose life appears to be better than ours. It’s easy to think everyone else has it easier or has a more exciting life than we do. But the truth is our lives are exactly what we make of them, which has absolutely nothing to do with looks or money or appearance.

What we perceive to be true isn’t always. It’s easy to hide pain and sadness behind a smile or false exterior.

I may not be model thin or have flawless skin but I actually have a pretty great life. A beautiful home, two amazing little girls and a hundred other things I am grateful for every single day.

I don’t know what will become of Kate. That was the last time I ever saw her. I don’t know what events brought her to such a low point in her life, but I hope with all my heart she finds a way out.

What I do know is that not everyone is able to deal with the difficulties that life throws our way. I have been very fortunate in that I have been able to overcome most of life’s obstacles simply by finding the humor in most situations and by always keeping a positive outlook. But not everyone is able to do that.

Life is fair in that we all have our own share of hard times and problems and difficulties. The unfair part is that some people ultimately fall apart and are never able to put themselves back together again.

I hope with all my heart that Kate is not one of those people. I hope she can find a way to pull herself together and come out a stronger person. And if I ever do see her again, I’m definitely going to give her that hug.

No matter what someone’s life looks like on the outside, maybe we all need to take a closer look.

By Mai Ramai from

By Mai Ramai from


Little Girls

One daughter falls asleep each night with a book in her hands, quietly observing life from the edge.

While the other prefers to explore the world first hand without question or fear of consequence or boundaries.

Wildly different, yet equally beautiful.

I often wonder which will have the most fulfilling life.

Most likely, both.

 One runs and sings and laughs without care. She is the devil on your shoulder. She has no inhibitions. She once said, “Mommy, I don’t think I have a conscience.”  And of course I laughed. She simply sparkles and delights.

The other is quiet and submissive. She is thoughtful and calm. Until she is not. She can be the butterfly that lands on your hand. And in the next moment, a quiet storm.

And from all outward appearances, they would seem to be the same. They both have soft brown hair, perfect smiles and eyes filled with wonder.

But one giggles shyly when she laughs, while the other lights up like a hundred fireworks.

A man I once loved told me “Your girls are everything that you are.”

I can’t imagine a more beautiful thing to say to a mother. Because even on my worst days, when I don’t like myself very much, I still look at them in amazement.

Because they will both always be my two favorite people.

My heart.


Her skin smells like summer and his hair smells like delicious everything.

And she’ll keep saying no until his eyes and his hands and his body beg hers to say yes.

A million times over and over and over again.


Because you make me want to fall and whisper everything I’m too afraid to think or feel.

And it’s all like a dream.

Like a beautiful illusion, a fantasy my mind cannot take hold of.

You make me fall.





I wish I could look into your eyes and tell you everything that would make you understand.

But I don’t know what those words are. Or if they even exist.

Maybe we would see each other and the words would just fall naturally in that exact moment.

And we would sort them out together.

Or maybe we would simply look at each other and we would both just know.

We would see everything we ever needed to say in each others eyes.

But mostly, all the things we never needed to say.

Because we both know.

And maybe no words would be needed at all. – MMP


They would walk for hours through the streets of each new city.

Laughing and talking and discovering each one together. Creating memories.

And discovering each other along the way.

Pretty things

December 2012: One of the low points in my life. I had lost my job earlier that year and now it was almost Christmas.

I wanted to hide away from the world. Not only because of the embarrassment and shame that accompany hard times, but mostly to focus on getting my life back together.

I took my daughters to the Family Dollar Store to buy some packing tape. Possibly the most depressing store ever.

I found two kinds of tape. One was $2.99 and the other was $1. I joked to the clerk that I was too poor to afford the $2.99 roll as I paid for the $1 roll. After we left, my older daughter (who was only 10 at the time) said “Mommy! Don’t tell people we’re poor!” Clearly, I had embarrassed her.

A week earlier, I created an eBay account. Being out of work meant I had to start selling some personal things. In just one week I had sold two items. I was excited, until I got to the post office and spent $18 for postage on an item I had only charged a $3 shipping fee for. Live and learn.

As soon as I got home, I immediately readjusted the shipping fees on all my other items.

Which brings me to the rings. Years before, my ex-husband had given me a beautiful 3-stone engagement ring. One large center diamond, representing the present and two smaller diamonds on either side, representing the past and the future.  The other was a beautiful custom made engagement ring given to me by a man I dated for 4 years after my divorce. A beautiful 1.5 carat cushion cut diamond, surrounded by beaded diamonds and a diamond wedding band to match.  It was beautiful. I tried to return it to him after we broke up, but he insisted I keep it. Both gifts from men who had loved me at one time. Now gone, but with memories still attached.

I never imagined I would have to sell such things, but I never imagined a lot of the hard times I’ve faced in my life. Sometimes things just happen. Reluctantly, I posted both sets on eBay. The custom set alone was worth well over $5,500, but I asked for less than half.

Being new to eBay, I assumed no one would buy them, so I took them to a local jewelry store. The appraiser took all four rings (two diamond engagement rings, and two bands) to a room at the back of the store. A few minutes later, he returned and offered me only a small fraction of what they were worth. I knew his offer was unfair, but before I could think, I heard myself say “Okay.”

As I left, I suddenly felt sad. It wasn’t that I would miss the rings (I hadn’t worn them in years), but that each one had a string of memories attached. Like the warm spring day when my ex-husband got down on one knee to propose, and all I could think about was how corny he looked. (Maybe I’m just an awful person.)

Or the December day, when I was pregnant with my first daughter, and lost my engagement ring. We had been Christmas shopping all day. I never realized it was gone until after we’d returned home. We spent hours that evening, driving from store to store, retracing every step and scanning the parking lots, searching but never found it. The next day, on Christmas eve morning, I took the dog outside for a walk.  And there in the grass, reflecting in the morning sun was my ring.

Or the day my ex-boyfriend threw the ring box at me and said “Here. I got you something.”  A gorgeous engagement ring, custom made just for me and how he threw the box at me. So terribly romantic. Anyway…

I had always imagined passing my rings and all my other pretty things, down to my daughters. Not that I owned anything spectacular, but each piece had meaning.

And now they were gone. And that made me sad.

But when you’ve been unemployed for 6 months, and it’s 3 weeks before Christmas, diamond rings don’t seem all that important anymore. Not to me, anyway. I used the cash the man at the jewelry store had given me to buy Christmas presents for my girls.

Gifts for two deserving little girls who still believed in and were expecting the arrival of Santa? Or a few rings?

To me, the answer was obvious.

To most people, a ring is a symbol of everlasting love. But to me, a ring is simply another pretty thing that you can wear. Perhaps nothing more.

I’d give up a hundred rings to have just one person who won’t abandon me when things get tough. Someone who will always be there to support me, no matter what.

No material object – and certainly not any kind of ring – can ever replace that.

I’d rather have a man strong enough to hold me when it feels like my entire world is falling apart. Or when it feels like I’m falling apart.

I’d rather have the love and support of my best friend and lover holding my hand, every single day. Because rings and objects don’t mean anything when you’re alone.

In the end, all that really matters is having the people who you love, standing beside you.

And no piece of jewelry could ever be worth more than that.


Photo credit:

Photo credit:


When Love Is (Or Isn’t) Enough

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  The story of a couple who meet, fall in love and break up.

Their break up is so painful they both decide to undergo a procedure that erases all memory of their relationship.

After their memories are erased they become strangers and go their separate ways.

But they meet a second time and are instantly attracted to each other, as if meeting for the first time.

The movie ends there, suggesting they fall in love all over again, despite their past.

The whole thing- falling in love, meeting a second time and being given a second chance- is appealing on many levels.

Most people have one person they wish they could have a second chance with.

A past relationship that was electric and exciting and passionate that you wish you could do it all over again. Even if there was some bad mixed in with all the good.

No relationship is ever perfect and every couple encounters problems and misunderstandings. People change, circumstances change and feelings can change, too.

And a history that took months and years to build up, can all fall apart as easily as a sand castle being washed away by the tide.

You might try and save it.  You grab your bucket and add more sand.

And things are good again. Maybe not as perfect as before but there’s still a lot of good left so you both hold on.

But the issues and the tide will reappear again. And unless both people are trying to fix it, you realize you can’t do it alone.

The whole situation can seem impossible and overwhelming. And sometimes it’s easier to walk away when you feel hurt, even if you love someone.

But after some time has passed, you start to miss the other person and maybe even wish you had a second chance.

But what if all your bad memories-  every fight, every lie, every hurtful word ever spoken – were all erased.

What if you met again as strangers without a past.

Maybe this time you would both be different.

Maybe if enough time had passed and if your experiences had changed, maybe you’d both be better.

Maybe. Or maybe erasing the past wouldn’t make any difference at all.

Don’t mistakes teach us what not to do next time and how to be better?

How would we know what to do differently if there were no past to learn from?

Maybe a second chance with someone wouldn’t be wonderful at all.

To go through the hurt and pain of breaking up all over again? No one would ever choose that.

And what if the other person walked away without a fight. Or they treated you badly the first time?

If they really loved you, wouldn’t they have tried harder and treated you better? Would it be any different the second time?

It takes mutual love and respect and the effort from two people, to build the relationship and to protect the sand castle.

These are all just words and words don’t really mean anything unless the person who they are meant for actually reads them.

And even if they read them, there are no magic words that can change the past and make things work. Not even “I love you,” not even “I’m sorry,” and not even “I really wish we could start over again.”

Love isn’t always enough and some things were just not meant to be.

What does matter is finding someone who won’t give up on you. Even after you’ve messed up.

Someone who is as passionate about you as you are about them.

Otherwise, all you end up with is a pile of useless fucking sand.

“If you love something, let it go.

If you don’t love something, definitely let it go. Basically, just drop everything, who cares.” – B.J. Novak


I Love You, by Banksy, canvas print.

I Love You, by Banksy, canvas print.