Can Men and Women Ever be “JUST” Friends?

When Harry Met Sally:

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don’t.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don’t.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail ’em too.
Sally: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?
Harry: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.
Harry: I guess not.
Sally: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

I know many will disagree, but ask yourself this:

If you were drunk, would you sleep with your ‘friend’? Under any circumstances, would you ever have sex with your friend?

You know the answer is yes. You would have sex. And that makes a true friendship between men and women impossible.

Harry is 100% right. Men and women can never be JUST friends.

Before you start leaving 47 comments about how you disagree, consider this:

My last boyfriend of two years had a female ‘friend.’ Turns out he was fucking her for the entire time he was dating his previous girlfriend. Then he started dating me. At that time, I had no idea he was fucking his “friend.”

He tried convincing me over and over again that they were “just friends.” Then he went on an overnight trip with her. While we were dating.

A month later, he went on a longer trip with her. They stayed in the same hotel room. For five nights.

At the time, I loved him and I trusted him.

I wanted to believe him so badly that “nothing” happened between them.

But it turns out they were not ‘just friends’ and they never were.

We broke up 6 months ago and he immediately started seeing her and having sex with her again.

Last night was New Years Eve. I invited him over to have a nice dinner with my girls and I, in an attempt to make amends.

My daughters were so heartbroken when he moved out, I thought I owed it to them to try one more time.

Love means trying. Not giving up on someone, even when they’ve hurt you.

Love means second and sometimes even third chances.

So I invited him for NYE to mend a fractured relationship because a part of me still cares for him.

But he turned me down.

He chose to take his ‘friend’ on an overnight trip so they could ring in the New Year.


They have been ‘friends’ who have been sleeping together for 3 years.

Three years. Including last night. New Years Eve. The biggest night of the year.

Now try convincing me they are ‘just friends’.

Happy New Year.–attraction-gets-way.html

From When Harry Met Sally. A very difficult movie to watch when you are going through heartbreak.

From When Harry Met Sally. A very difficult movie to watch when you are going through heartbreak.

7 thoughts on “Can Men and Women Ever be “JUST” Friends?

  1. As a man, I full agree. Men and women can not just be friends. I’ve had sevaral female friends over time, but eventually each relationship either was about to turn sexual or did turn sexual. We all knew that once it turned, there was no turning back. Immediately conversations changed from thatbof friends to awkward converations reserved for lover; or vice versa.

    Bottom line….if you want your friendship ti remain intact with a member of the opposite sex, keep the relationshiop plutonic.

    Bottom line:

  2. I’m sorry, Miss Moneypenny, but I (respectfully) disagree. I think you – and Harry – are describing a dominant reality, for sure. But I am a slut horn-dog of a man, one with a history of “sex addiction” (whatever that is), and I have several friendships with hot women that I would NEVER think of banging. I may be unusual, but I’m not unique.

    Your experience is what it is. But it’s a mistake to generalize from it.

    And, for what it’s worth, I think it’s pretty sexist to imagine either that sex is, at root, what motivates all men, and at the same time that it’s NOT what motivates all women.

    We all are different. And while what you write may be true for many, it’s far from universal.

  3. I’ve read and re-read this post a few times. Part of me disagrees, but only from my point of view. Part of me sees the desperate pain and anguish in your heart and soul, caused by this fool. Blinding you temporarily. Seeing only deception and wrong-doing. There is good. It does get better. I’m living testimony to that. I have been in your position a couple of times, one serious enough to think about doing myself harm. However and that is such a hopeful word, there is always another day. Another day that the pain eases ever so slightly until a week has passed. Then a month. And before you know it, it’s a surprise when you hear their name.

    I’d like to think that I have enough respect for friends either in relationships or as single friends not to have the “sex” thing rear its ugly head. To be restrained enough. To see my female friends as that. Just friends. Not females. Not someone to leer, ogle, want to jump their bones. Just plain friends. And I have many friends who are also female. I’m lucky. My father taught me respect for my fellow man or woman unless harm had been done. Respect breeds respect and over the years I have found that to be true. Women trust me. That is incredibly heartwarming to know that I’m seen as trustworthy and not just a lecherous male. They, like you, are my friends, first and foremost. So, yes, from my point of view, we can all be friends without any sexual contact or flirting. That such go for each and everyone of us. Friends. The other thing should or could, come much later.

  4. My best learned expierences in life (1) were my 1st father-in-law. He showed me by example how to be a true friend to a woman by loving her as a person. (2) My second father-in-a-law, showed me by example how to be a friend first, and Love, Cherish and Behold every second of your shared Life. Unfortunately My first lesson was during my 1st marriage ending in divorce (15 yrs). My second marriage I learned to live, love, and accept the worst. After a struggle with addiction my wife passed. We were friends first, and loved each other for years before intimacy. I would live those years over and over again, forever. The good and the bad. And as it became. My first wife and I are lifelong friends. I will always love her as a friend and wonderful person. No Man would hurt a Woman in Betrayal. To have Friendship and Love together is a blessing. And the most woderful thing in the world.

  5. I don’t agree. Oh, I might have when I was 17, but I learned my lesson soon enough. After that, it just seemed obvious. Have I been attracted to female friends over the years? Yes. Did I make the same mistake twice? No.

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