Love Pain Death

One of life’s great cruelties is that great love is often followed by great pain.

Love can be the most amazing feeling in the world.

And the loss of that love can be equally crippling.

There is no easy way to cope with loss.

Alcohol and drugs only numb the pain temporarily.

I was never one to do drugs. My entire drug history consists of smoking pot a handful of times when I was too drunk to even notice. So drugs are not an option for me.

But allowing yourself to feel raw sadness can be overwhelming, leaving you feeling hopeless and empty.


I was always the happy girl. The social butterfly. Smiling and laughing and carefree.

But life takes unexpected turns.  A seemingly meaningless event – a chance meeting, or one wrong decision – can change us forever.

And we are never the same again.

Some events cause great joy. And some cause great pain.

Coping mechanisms are just a temporary fix.

I have found some small comfort in writing.

But it is not nearly enough.

And for the first time in my life I understand the logic in taking ones life.

The person who ends their life does so, because that is the only way they know how to end their pain.

I used to think that equalled weakness.

But it takes a lot of strength and resolve and courage to take your life.

Death can be a comforting thought. The thought of a perfect life in the after world, and more importantly, eternal peace.

And the possibility of being reincarnated and the gift of a second chance at happiness – all give hope to someone who only feels pain.

And unlike love and happiness, pain is often not fleeting.

Happy moments are just that: brief moments in time that begin and end.

But for some, pain is a constant. You can distract yourself and keep busy. But underneath it all, the pain is always there.

It may be the loss of a child. Or the death of a loved one.

Or losing the only person you ever truly loved.

The cause is different for each person – but the pain is equally debilitating.

It can be unbearably overwhelming.

And there is no magic pill or a switch you can flip to turn it off.

Telling someone to move on, that things will get better or that there are others worse off, are all as empty and hollow and meaningless as scribbles on a scrap of paper.

There is nothing you can say to make someone feel better. Empty words only make someone feel worse.

And nothing can can bring someone back into your life after they have gone.

You can’t create love and you can’t erase pain.

But perhaps after death, we have a new chance at finding the happiness that eluded us in this lifetime.

Maybe death isn’t an end. Perhaps it’s a new beginning.

A fresh start.

A chance to finally find love and happiness in a world that cheated us out of that opportunity the first time.

Perhaps we shouldn’t fear death- but instead accept it and embrace it.

And hope that maybe we will find love, happiness and meaning in our life if given a second chance.





9 thoughts on “Love Pain Death

  1. Please don’t extinguish such a beautiful person. Your daughter(s) need you. All that would accomplish is adding pain to their very young life.

  2. Sadly, what is missing is the consequences such an act has on those that have been left behind to wonder the whys and why nots. Tragic enough to lose a loved one, relative or friend, to accidents, declining health, and other unspeakable acts of horror by others, but to selfishly take one’s life without regard to the feelings and impact on others is to dishonor life, love, and the living. What could any of our loved ones ever have done to deserve that? A question with not enough answers, but try we must, to prevent the unnecessary loss of life to suicide. Just my humble opinion. I fully respect your viewpoint, I just don’t understand how ending a life is starting over. One thing I love about your blog, I may disagree, but you bring out questions that aren’t discussed enough and viewpoints others may have not really considered. Thank you for sharing.

  3. This touched me.

    In the deepest depths of my heart and my soul I do understand of what you speak.

    I have found myself in similar situations, of a loved one passed over and an untouchable emptiness. I too believed that death could be a suitable end. A relief from the agony that tore at my heart and mind every moment. I even tried. Only to fail, and add that to my despair.

    People would say I would heal. They said I would move on. That to experience happiness one must embrace the hurt that is dealt to us and be thankful for every morning our eyes greeted the sunrise of a new day. I would argue with them. Tell them they were wrong. That there was no hope. I drifted like that, in a sea of tears for a long lonely time. I gave up hope.

    It was then, once I had given up feeling and had numbed to the pain completely that a warmth began to creep through the cracks of the wall I had encompassed myself in.

    I didn’t want anyone to help me. I didn’t need anyone to care. But someone did. Against all the odds I found something to smile about. Something to look forward to. At first I loathed myself for allowing these feelings to tread in my wake. I felt I had betrayed the love that I lost. Something within knew that despite it all I deserved more than the wretched life I was forcing upon my soul.

    So I let go. Of it all. It hurt. Letting slip through my fingers all that I had held close for so long- the pain, the hurt, emptiness and heartache.

    Now, I smile. I laugh. Sometimes I still cry.
    I look back and I do still allow that glimpse into the darkness of those moments to allow myself to see my second chance… In this life. Against all the odds, even though I do still feel the hurt, I have learnt, crafted myself into someone stronger, wiser and able to love more completely than I even imagined.

    I hope a warmth touches you. I hope that someone can break through the cracks and gently lead you away from your heartache and allow you to breathe once more.

    From the depths of my soul I wish you your second chance. I’ll offer my hand to you and if I can shed some light over your path I shall.

  4. Nicole, we follow each other on Twitter, it’s not important who I am. Death is inevitable, no one escapes it. Maybe what follows death, though, isn’t another chance at life and/or the happiness that eluded you while you lived. Think about that. What if this is the only life you’ll have? All you really know is that you’re alive NOW, it’s not over yet. Stay. Keep on. Life is long and full of sorrow, I know. Some never fully recover from a broken heart, most do though, eventually….I’m like you, I’m like everyone else, I so empathize with you, I get it….you lost the one you loved, he’s gone. Find another. Choose another. It’s that simple. I’m not trying to make you feel better but I am trying to empower you. Your life is yours. Yours! You are wanted you are needed you are loved. Choose life while you still can, ok? Xoxo

  5. Suicide, the way I think, is a very selfish act. I feel so bad for anyone who hurts so much that comes down to that, but they don’t consider the feelings it leaves loved ones with.

  6. I never thought Death would ever appear at my house until I lost my Mom.
    She was the Stronghold in our Family,we Lost her to Cancer but no matter how much shr Hurted she never let us see her weaknesses. One things for sure she was the Strongest Woman I’ve ever known… Miss You Mom R.I.P.

  7. Suicide is not the path to a second chance, a second life in a perfect world. It is the exact opposite. Grief Is blurring the lines, has you reaching for something that just isn’t there. Please see your doctor. Your daughter’s need you.

  8. My interpretation of Nicole’s (?) shared feelings here are not that she is considering suicide, but more she “has an understanding of it”. I believe Nicole has taken control of her pain, or is well on the way to doing so, but has seen (encountered?) the option and understood why people would do such a thing, without actually going there, herself.

    I’d love you to clarify this, Nicole.

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