The Affair

As her date droned on, she noticed a group of guys laughing and drinking beer a few feet away. The bar was loud and crowded. She couldn’t make out their faces. Except for one.

Her date asked her a question.

“What?” All she could hear was this handsome stranger laughing a few feet away.

She caught him staring at her. So she smiled back. And no sooner had her date left to make a phone call, she looked up to see his face smiling down at her.

He asked her her name. Before she could answer, he said “You’re beautiful.”

Soon they were walking down the street together, huddled close in the winter wind. They passed a group of loud girls, smoking and an old man walking his dog.

He grabbed her hand and led her across the street and into another bar. His hand felt warm and strong.

“Two vodka tonics” he said to the bartender. Despite the toasty fire crackling in the fireplace, the bar was practically empty.

He said something funny and she laughed. Suddenly his hand was on her waist, gently pulling her closer. She thought he might kiss her. But instead he leaned over and whispered into her ear.

She’d always been attracted to quirky. But only when it was perfectly mixed with intelligence and wit and charm and of course humor.

And he was all of the above.

And the fact that he was tall was the cherry on the all ready delicious cake.

Two hours later, they were in his apartment. He offered to take her coat. She politely declined.

“I really should go,” she said. As she started to leave, he leaned over and kissed her. Soft and slow at first, then deeper and passionately. She wanted to tear off her coat and throw her clothes on the floor. But instead she kissed him one last time and left.

The 18 minute drive home felt like an hour.

Two nights later she was in his apartment again. A bottle of Patron sat on his countertop next to a basket of fresh raspberries. How did he know those were her favorites?

He was wearing dark jeans and a long sleeved tee and a boyish grin. He opened the tequila and she did a shot to take the edge off. They drank and talked and kissed. He told her about his family. She talked about her new job. They kissed and talked and drank some more. His lips were on her neck. Her hands were on his waist.

She knew she wanted to sleep with him but there were so many reasons not to. But maybe even more reasons why she should. His lips tasted like tequila and raspberries and perfection. He pulled her closer and she whispered into his ear “Where’s your room?”

A candle was burning on his nightstand. His room smelled like red velvet cake. His bed sheets were dark gray. She could hear music playing from the apartment next door.

His curtains were slightly drawn and she could see the moon outside his window. He kissed her as she started to unbutton his pants. Their hands were everywhere. She could feel the weight of his body on hers and every doubt she had disappeared from her mind. Every movement felt electric. The candle flickered next to the bed. He felt perfect and delicious and intoxicating.

At 6:15am the alarm went off on her cell phone. He helped her locate her clothes as she hurriedly dressed. He followed her to the door. All he was wearing were a pair of dark blue gym shorts. His chest was smooth and perfect. She kissed him goodbye.

They started meeting 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes it would be at her house and sometimes, his. They’d snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, but mostly they would talk and drink and make out for hours before falling into a heap in bed. And in the morning he would always tell her how beautiful her eyes were.

It was easy and fun and exhilarating and uncomplicated. Weeks and months passed. Sexy texts and flirty conversations. She knew it wouldn’t last – they both knew – but it felt good now. And he was smart and sexy and he was so drawn to her and their bodies fit so perfectly together. The sex was addictive. She knew she couldn’t say no.

Then something happened. It doesn’t matter what. Because something always happens. He started to get too close and he said something that hurt her feelings. And she held back because she knew it could never be anymore than it was. He pushed her away and she pushed him away further. She imagined she would never see his beautiful face ever again so she busied herself with work and meaningless things.

The weather grew colder and she would lie awake at night thinking about him. He imagined her with someone else and it drove him insane. But neither of them contacted each other. They were both too stubborn and practical, and she was so busy. But not too busy to lie awake at night imagining all the nights they had spent together in her bed.

And he stayed busy too. But he could still smell her on his pillows and he imagined her body wrapped around his.

And the days and weeks passed and it started to get easier. She started to forget the little things. Like how his skin smelled and the way he would hold her so close, wrapping his arms around her waist when they were lying in bed.

One night, around 1:24am or something like that, he sent her a text.

“I miss you.”

They saw each other again after that. It turns out, it wasn’t an affair. It lasted over a year and a half. And each time he would walk through her door, without a word, he would  immediately grab her and kiss her like he hadn’t seen her in a hundred years.  It was sexy and passionate and she never wanted it to end.

He made her feel beautiful.

Then something else happened. Maybe she met someone else. Or maybe he did.  It doesn’t really matter. Because something else always happens. And so it ended again and they went their separate ways, as people always do.

And sometimes when she is out with another guy, she gets distracted and finds herself searching for his face in the crowd.

And sometimes when he is out with his friends, he’ll see a girl with long blonde hair and he’ll hear her laugh and he imagines it is her.

Image #1047511 by korshun on

Love in the Rain | via Tumblr – image #1047511 by korshun on

How To Get Over an Ex

Contrary to popular belief, it’s actually very easy to get over an ex. Here’s how.

1. Realize it was NOT love.

If you were really, truly meant to be with someone, then DUH. You two would still be together. But you are not together. You are apart. And how can you love someone who left you? People break up for a reason. And that reason is: they were the wrong person for you. The right person would have stuck by you and would have never let you go. And even if it was love at one time, the love died. And dead things should be buried. So grab a shovel, dig a big hole and go bury it in your backyard. The eulogy is optional.

2. Make a list of all their bad qualities.

No one is perfect. And this is the best time to make an actual list of someone’s worst qualities. She was a liar. He cheated on you. You hated his shoes. (Seriously, they were really ugly.) She couldn’t cook. He sucked in bed. She wasn’t willing to experiment during sex. He drank too much. She had too many cats. He had a weird shaped head. She was emotionally unavailable. He was kind of a huge jerk. Okay, you get the idea. Create a list. And not just in your head. Write an actual list with pen and paper and post it on your refrigerator as a daily reminder. It may sound silly but it actually really helps. And each time you see it, it’s a happy reminder that you stopped wasting your time and moved on.

3. Delete & destroy all history.

This should actually be the FIRST thing you do. I dated a guy for 4+ years and saved every sweet email he ever sent me in a special folder. A week after our final break up, I deleted the entire folder. Four years of history all gone in an instant. At first, I panicked, but it was necessary. How can you move on when you keep re-reading old “I love you, my sweet little cupcake” emails? He/she does not love you anymore. You are no longer his sweet cupcake or sugar cookie. So delete everyfreakingthing. Delete all contact information from your phone. Delete all emails and all contact info from everywhere. Remove and BLOCK from all social media including Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, LinkedIn, MySpace, YourSpace, and EverySpace.  If you’re truly going to get over someone, the only way to accomplish that is to remove all traces of the person from your entire life. Toss photographs, throw away old letters, burn his house down, and make a huge bonfire of any mementos from the relationship in your backyard. Make it FUN. Turn it into a block party. Invite all your neighbors and roast marshmallows over the fire as you laugh and watch it all burn, burn, burn. And don’t forget the hot dogs and beer.

4. Make a list of all the things you need & want to do.

Take a trip by yourself. Volunteer at an animal shelter and a soup kitchen. Paint and redecorate your bedroom. Buy a mountain bike and start biking. Go hang gliding. [I actually did all of those things.] Update your resume. Re-organize your closet. Learn French. Knit a Halloween costume for your cat. Write a book. Go out with your best friend and drink wine and make out with a complete stranger. You get the idea. Write out a list of every single thing you NEED and WANT to do. Update it daily and actually start doing everything on the list. Even if it takes you 6 months – 12 years to complete the entire list, you will be so freaking busy, you will not have time to think about the pathetic loser you were smart enough to remove from your life.

5. Allow yourself to feel sad.

It’s okay to feel sad. The longer the relationship, the more time needed to get over someone. My best friend dated a man for 7 years. A week after 250 wedding invitations had been mailed out, he left her for another woman. It took her one full year to get over him. That’s a little fast for a 7 yr. relationship, but a year is still a substantial amount of  time.  Be alone and allow yourself to cry. Moving on takes a lot of time and it’s best if you do it alone. You don’t want any hot guys (or girls) around watching you cry. No matter how hot you are, crying is NOT attractive and is best done alone. Or with a dog. Dogs are very sympathetic and can cheer you up. If you don’t have a dog, borrow one. Better yet, add “Adopt a dog from the animal shelter” to your LIST of things to do. Then both you and your dog can watch The Hangover and Anchorman together, because laughing is good, but seeing funny and sexy people in movies is even better.

6. Be alone.

Yes, I know I already wrote about being alone in #5, but the truth is being alone is a critical part of the healing process. You don’t have to join a convent or become a recluse, but you won’t be any good in your future relationships until you have A) learned to be alone, B) healed and completely moved on, and C) figured out who you are and what you want. And the only way to accomplish all three is time spent healing. ALONE.  But you can still hang out with friends and your new dog. Or cat. Or chinchilla. (CHOOSE THE DOG.)

7. Live your life.

After one breakup, I took root in my bedroom and cried for months on end. I stopped living. It was awful, but the worst part is that I wasted almost an entire year of my life just feeling sad. Looking back, I wish I’d written a list of all the things I wanted and needed to do and used that time to be more productive. I could have accomplished so much and I would have been way too busy to feel sad. Learn from my mistake: Create a list. And if it makes you feel better, add “Cry in bed for three days” to the list. But make sure it’s immediately followed by “Spend a week in Italy” and “Make out with a hot Italian stranger, drink Italian wine and take a gondola ride.” And if you can’t afford a trip to Italy, you can substitute that with “Spend the weekend watching Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead.” Because, right after a trip to Europe, nothing cheers you up faster than watching other people die

That was a few years ago and I’ve completely moved on. And aside from the jokes, it really does take some time to get over someone.

It’s okay to look back every once in awhile. And it’s okay to remember a special moment that once made you smile. As long as you continue to move forward, those memories will all eventually fade away and be replaced by all of the wonderful new memories you create, starting with today.

It’s really easy to forget. All it takes is some time.